Hi, I am seeking advice/help after spending hours upon hours searching the internet for answers to no avail.
I am 29 and mum to a 5 year old female Cockalier (Cavalier King Charles X Cocker Spaniel), we live in a quiet home with my Mother (52) where we both adore her. I have had my darling girl (Raya) since she was 12 weeks old.

From the day I met Raya, I knew she was shy (especially compared to my childhood dog). She cowered under the table at our meet and greet, hiding with her little tail tucked low but wagging between her legs. Throughout puppyhood although I endeavoured to constantly provide positive reinforcement and make her feel comfortable - she continued to show signs of being excessively submissive. She would cower if someone raised their hands above their head, scream/yelp sporadically especially if you approached her from behind. She backed away from strangers and urinated at every greeting. At puppy preschool her IQ excelled, top of her class at obedience training, but the other dogs terrified her and she spent most of the lessons cowering in my lap. In the hopes of socialising her, I took her for regular trips to the small dog park, but as if the other dogs sensed that she was excessively submissive they would immediately swarm her with attempts to dominate, often getting aggressive with her, even though she surrendered. It got to the point where people would groan when they saw us coming, knowing that Raya's presence would upset the apple cart. Even keeping her in my arms, the dogs would jump up trying to bite her. Eventually I stopped the trips to the dog park, they were only serving to stress her.

At home, she is kind soul who adores pillows and treats. Her obedience training continued without a hitch. But her behaviour continued to be strange. She had never fetched, she won't play. Random objects and sounds make her jump out of her skin or run and hide for hours on end (balloons, chairs, doors creaking) - and nothing short of food will coax her out. To this day, even though toilet trained, she does submissive urination every time we come home, when my mum gets off the computer, when she sees her leash, sometimes even when you talk to her. Now in addition, she rolls over in the urine. I have tried the methods of ignoring, keeping her calm, letting her straight out to potty - but she even holds some urine back for this specific purpose and whines and cries up a storm if not acknowledged. I have been called to collect her from groomers due to her screaming and fretting and regularly have to explain to people that she cannot be petted on our walks. But over the course of the last year (where I have been working from home due to lockdowns), things have taken another turn which is breaking my heart.

Raya has decided that I am scary. If I approach her she either rolls over or runs away. If I call her, she ignores me or runs away. And if I insist using her her 'come' command, she slinks over to me with her tail tucked between her legs and her head hanging low, burying her head in my lap. She refuses to look at my face and will turn her head away. Positive association and treat training don't make any improvement. She will only come when she sees the treat, then tackles me for it and promptly runs and hides. If I sit on the same couch as her, she will move away. If I go to pick her up, she rolls over with wide eyes and her ears pinned back. If I continue to talk to her or pet her, then the growling starts. I call it growling because I am uncertain what else to call it, though she doesn't show her teeth. The sound she makes is more like 'groaning'. A loud, repetitive, groan of a sound. She is not like this with my mother - even though my mother is the more authoritative out of the two of us. I have never raised a hand to my dog, I have never yelled at her. I wouldn't. I adore animals and see her as my fur baby and I have always known she is special, that her behaviour required extra TLC. But now I'm scared it is turning to aggression. Our bond is non-existent, because she will not have a bar of me. When she was a puppy, I was her world. Now she acts like I'm the most terrifying thing she's ever encountered and I don't know how to overcome it.

All I have been able to find on google is that she fits every single criterion for a submissive dog and exhibits all those behaviours. Though - every video of a submissive dog showing appeasements signals I have watched are 110x more confidant than my Raya. Any help? Advice? Pointers? Has anyone encountered this before? Sorry for the long post, but I really need help. Thank you for reading.
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Beardogjesse
Beardogjesse
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Joined Apr 15, 2020
791 Posts
#2 · 3 d ago
What a heartbreaking read i dont have any ideas but this is a group of wonderful people and others im sure will be able to give some insight.
Please dont click on link until its been checked by moderator cause it looks fishy to me